Performance Notes We Didn’t Ask For: Part 2

Why Good Feedback Matters—And How to Filter the Rest

Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from.

-Greg McKeown

**This is part 2 of our first “tell-all”. In these stories, specific details about situations will be altered to protect involved parties. We don’t believe what happened in these situations was done in malice, but we do want to encourage performers (including ourselves) to advocate for themselves in a kind, yet direct manner, and encourage a more intentional way forward.**

Feedback is a tricky thing. Too much, too early or the wrong person says the wrong thing in the wrong way, and the performer shuts down. As performers, we know that giving and getting feedback is part of the process. But, hot take: You shouldn’t take everyone’s feedback. In fact, doing so might be one of the quickest ways to wreck your next performance.

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Our first post in this two-part series described two situations in which we have received inappropriate feedback, and how we wish we had handled the situation differently. (Read Part 1 here). This week, we’d like to discuss a few of the questions we ask ourselves (or each other!) to help filter feedback.

But what makes feedback inappropriate? When should we take someone’s comments seriously, when should we store them to consider later, and when should we let go of them completely?

Here are some of the questions we’re considering when filtering feedback:

1. What is the context?

   1. Is it a masterclass, lesson, coaching or rehearsal with a conductor or collaborative pianist?

   2. What is this person’s expertise? Do they have a background in vocal pedagogy, performance, a specific time period?

   3. How long/what type of relationship do you have with this person? Do you have an established rapport?

   4. Do you feel emotionally safe with this person? Do you think they have your best interests as an artist and person at heart?

   5. Is this your chosen/applied teacher?

   6. Are they a stakeholder (eg: paying you, hiring you, “in charge”)?

2. Can you make significant strides in applying this feedback before the performance? (eg: The performance is not in 5 minutes and you’ve been asked to rework your entire technique for the piece.)

3. Is this feedback similar to that given by other trusted sources?

4. Is feedback being offered as something to consider/try, while acknowledging they may not have the full picture, or being demanded/presented as “Truth”?

5. Are you confident that their feedback is coming from a place of objectivity? (Or are they projecting their anxiety or feelings of inadequacy in a particular area on you?)

6. Does it allow you to be more free/authentic/in your expression, body, technique or emotions?

If your answer to most of these questions is “no”, then you might want to reconsider how seriously you’re applying this individual’s feedback to your performance. (Note: If this is your chosen/applied teacher, and most of these answers are still no, it might be time to have a heart-to-heart or start looking for a new teacher.)

As briefly mentioned in part 1, it’s difficult to transition from being a young musician to a professional singer/performer. As children, we are taught to “respect” our teachers and adults in our lives and follow the directions they give us. Adults know everything, right? So how do we know when to transition from accepting everyone’s feedback and comments, to appropriately filtering the comments we receive and trusting ourselves and our chosen inner circle? The short answer is that we should learn this skill as soon as we begin studying music. We don’t mean that young singers should reject what their teachers and directors are telling them–quite the opposite. But both of us have watched our students experience this, too. We’ve had to help students navigate feedback from theatre directors, ensemble directors and family and friends; these young musicians desperately want to please everyone and do the “right thing” with their technique. It can be challenging for all professionals involved, and for the students to untangle comments, verbiage and emotions, even in the best of situations. So, the earlier we learn to ask ourselves these questions, the better. As we get older, the way we receive feedback becomes more nuanced, and we start to see variations in opinion about interpretation, rather than concrete contributions to our fundamental technique and musicianship that we needed as young musicians.

Some feedback should be taken immediately, some should be put on a shelf for consideration and application later; some feedback should be considered as opinion, but discarded if it does not fit us right now; and some feedback should be labeled, “Thanks, but no thanks”, and tossed in the “circular file” to be discarded.

When discussing who we DO want to turn to to either process feedback or seek it, we realized it was essential to have at least 3 people in our corner. Our voice teachers, who provide technical and experiential context to feedback we receive, friends to process with (in our case, each other), and our therapists, who help provide emotional context and ensure that we are approaching feedback and our performance/practice from an objective space and not as a reaction.

In the end, we have to keep in mind that music is art, and therefore, on some level, subjective. It’s imperative to know the difference between opinion and truly constructive feedback, and that can be a difficult line to walk when we so often tie our voices to our identity. We owe it to ourselves to decide on and own our boundaries when it comes to the comments we want to accept.

Sarah: What keeps me going is remembering my why. Why do I do this? Why do I allow myself to be in spaces where I constantly receive comments and opinions from other people about ME? Ultimately, my passion for singing and connection to music is stronger than the most negative comment I could receive. Music helps me express myself in a way that words never can, and I feel like I can expose my soul and connect to something greater than myself. It feels necessary. Important. If for nobody else, then just for myself. Nobody else has experienced the same life I have, so therefore nobody can tell the same story. It’s freeing to have a space where you let yourself fully be.

Kaitlyn: Me too. “The public’s” opinion changes on a whim. If I’m making art for them, nobody will ever be happy. So, why am I making this art? What’s the story I’m telling? Your voice is one of a kind. Nobody will ever play just like you, or sing this aria just like you. When you are dead, your voice will be gone. Don’t hide your gift trying to be someone else’s “ideal” while you’re here!

So if we were to sum up our advice in one sentence? Find your “inner circle”, and find your “why.” You will never be in want of people’s opinions, so your desire to make music and the strength of your support system has to be louder than all the noise.

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What questions do you use to filter feedback? We’d love to hear from you!

Xoxo,

Kaitlyn + Sarah